When tragedy strikes YOU

It was just like the movies.  The whole world was swirling around us: beeping lights, loud voices, clanking of medical equipment.  But we only saw one focused light on our girl, laying on the gurney, lifeless.  Fast forward.  The loud noises are gone, the rush of people is gone.  It's just us, our loved one and a hospital room.

There’s no manual to prepare you for this.  No way for your brain to run the scenario through so you know what to expect. Tragedy isn’t a date on the calendar.  It doesn’t call you to let you know “I’m coming, so be ready!”.  

Here you are though.  Stunned by the sneak attack.  My heart aches for you, my friend.  I wish I could fix it!  What I hope I can do is encourage you or lend you a hand while you try to climb this mountain.  I can offer a few suggestions, that I had to learn the hard way, to save you some heartache, stress and maybe a few gray hairs (maybe). 

1. YOU. WILL. BE. OK.  I can promise you that.  In that moment when you are lost and you can not fathom life on the other side…  When your pain is so heavy that you can’t ever imagine not feeling this way and that in-and-of itself overwhelms you…  Today is not your forever. (*Jeremiah 29:11)
2. Listen to your doctors and nurses.  This is a tough one.  Suffering or watching your loved one suffer makes you feel helpless.  You want to do something, so you fight for what you think your loved one needs.  But sometimes all fighting does is exhaust you.  Try to see the staff not as those your fighting against that aren’t doing enough or aren’t caring enough, but rather your allies who have been in the battle before. They know what to expect and how to handle it.   I promise you, you will feel better cared for if you are kind, ask questions and are thankful then if you are demanding, act like the expert and are ungrateful (sorry - I know that one stings).
3. Take care of yourself.  Yes this means eat, sleep and bathe.   What good comes from your health failing?  Nothing.  It seems selfless to sit bedside and hold vigil nonstop. It’s noble and counted as righteousness.  Right?  No, my friend.  If you are going to properly care for your loved one you need to properly care for yourself.  You will be more alert, better able to make decisions, less likely to overreact, have more strength to endure the long days, and less likely to develop stressed related health issues.  Least important but something I learned: "look good, feel good".  When I bathed, brushed my hair, dressed in something other than sweats and flip-flops, I walked taller and felt more prepared for my day.
4. Taking care of yourself means letting people help you.  This is also a tough one for those of us (me) who don’t like to be helped (this is pride by the way).  You do not need to be Superwoman, or Superman.  No one expects that, except you.
5. Keep your mind on Truth.  (see Truth or Emotion to read more about this).  The Word of God is your center when all the lies of your emotions flood your ability to reason.   Below are a few scriptures I always use to remind myself what’s true when the lies start to win.  Take some time today to read through them or take time today to find some of your own.  Write them down and keep them where you can get to them everyday.

Isaiah 41:10

Psalm 118:24

Phil 1:6

Jeremiah 29:11

Psalm 23

6. YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.  In the hospital a friend sent me a picture of Jesus holding a little girl.  At first I was uncomfortable with the image because we associate Jesus with heaven and I didn’t want my daughter going to heaven. I wanted her here, with me.  But one day I realized - No!  It was meant to show that Jesus was holding her now.  He was holding me too!  My friend, He’s holding you, tight!

Isaiah 41:13

For I hold you by your right hand--I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, 'Don't be afraid. I am here to help you.