Surrendering to your Thorn

Originally written May 30, 2017

As I dropped her off today I couldn't help but be overwhelmed at the beauty of it all.  How suffering can turn into rejoicing.  How sorrow can turn into dancing.  How pain can heal and leave beautiful scars worth their weight in gold.

You see this month Gena, my oldest, graduated from college and is starting a new job today at a Marketing Firm as their Photography and Graphic Design Intern.  Would seem that this is a normal occurrence.  One to be proud of, but why am I overwhelmed at the beauty of it?  Because 14 years ago, I was staring at my then 6 year old Gena, paralyzed from the chest down due to a car accident she got into with my Mom.  The girl on the bed is my then 2 year old, Sophie.  She was unharmed in the accident.  This is what I would stare at for 2 more months in that hospital.  Every day wondering, why her?  Why not me?  The questions flooded our minds and the sorrow set in hard.  



There was little that could have soothed me back then.  I searched the scriptures and begged God daily to give me some kind of hope, to heal her.  Back then my definition of healing was narrow: put her back to the way she used to be.  I could not comprehend life with a paralyzed child.  

I'm not sure when it was, but at some point in those early days my sister said these words, "Some day you will come to the point of surrender."  What?!  I had no idea what that even meant.  Surrender to what?  By surrender did she mean accept?  No!  Never!  

As the years passed, and three more children were born, I held on tight to Gena's healing.  Every night after she fell asleep and every morning as we got ready for the day I prayed, begged God to heal her.  For years I did this.  The Bible says "pray without ceasing", right?  (I Thess. 5:17)  It says all I need is faith as big as a mustard seed and I can move mountains, doesn't it? (Matt 17:20)

Until one day when my resolve had come to an end.  I was livid.  It was then the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, "Your anger is at me. You're mad that this is your life now."  Yes!  God was on the hook for it all!  Not just for allowing it to happen in the first place, but for not healing her afterward.  As I fell into a heap on my bed and wept from the pit of my soul, the Holy Spirit gently brought back to my mind that word my Sister used, surrender. Surrender!  It was in that moment I understood what it meant... Surrender meant, let go.  Let go of my anger that this happened and let go of my definition of healing.

Healing means repaired, fixed, restored.  Doesn't it?  Yes!  God does those things!  But for us, for Gena, healing meant something different.  It meant made new.  I like to call it our "new normal".  That day the Lord started speaking into my soul that there was purpose.  Gena's life had grand purpose!  Me, my husband, and our other 4 children would also be given new purpose through all of this.  You see, getting back to our former "normal" was never the goal.


In 2 Corinthians 12 Paul wrote that he had been given a "thorn in his side".  What that was we don't exactly know but it caused him pain and suffering. Here's what he says about it in verses 8-10: "Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

For me a "Paul thorn" can be defined by anything in your life that doesn't go away, isn't healed, or something that causes suffering every day.  Maybe your husband died? You have a chronic illness? Maybe your child has special needs?  Or you lost all your material possessions in a flood or fire.  For you waking up every morning means feeling the weight of reality hitting your heart like a wrecking ball.  

I have a couple questions for you, my friend. What are you holding onto?  Is it your former life?  Is it what you hoped or dreamt life would look like?  Is it hopes that God will replace what he has taken?

I wish I could take away that heaviness in your heart.  I wish I could soothe your wounds, immediately.  But I can offer you some hope for your aching heart today.  Start with surrender.  Let go of what once was.  Let go of your anger.  Seek God for what He has in mind for your "new normal".  He has a grand purpose in your thorn if you can let go!

Today, I dropped my paralyzed daughter off at her first job. She is beautiful and talented and has seen much success in her short life so far.  I am bursting today!

It started with surrender for us.  Once we did that, God could start "making new".  Some day you will look back and cry out in amazement at what God has done!  I promise!  He has rejoicing and dancing in mind for you!

Here is the Lord's promise for your beauty to come:

Isaiah 61:3 NLT
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.



If you want to see Gena's work, check out her website.

http://genabuza.wixsite.com/gena-buza